I Don't Understand Asian Self-Hatred At All

我完全不理解亚洲人的自我憎恨


Growing up in a small town in the South during late 90s/early 2000s, I faced racism all the time. Got beaten up on the first week of kindergarten, beer bottles thrown at me while I'm mowing, rednecks almost driving my family off the road TWICE, etc. etc.. I'd get into fights so often that I'd bike over to their house and challenge them, because I couldn't wait to fight them at school. I still have a mangled finger, cut eyebrow, visible cut on on skull, two chipped teeth, and other multiple scars and I have proof if wanted. Just plain nasty, hateful, trashy people and bad memories I can't forget. The hardest part was seeing my immigrant dad always coming home from work angry because of workforce discrimination, and it pains me to this day knowing my old man endured so his kids could have a better future.

20世纪90年代末到21世纪初,我在南方的一个小镇长大,一直面临着种族歧视。上幼儿园的第一周就挨了打,我割草的时候有人向我扔啤酒瓶,红脖子差点把我家赶出马路两次,还有很多很多。我经常和他们打架,骑着自行车去他们家挑战他们,因为我等不及在学校和他们打。我现在还有一根断指,眉毛断裂,脑袋上有明显的伤口,两颗有缺口的牙齿,还有很多伤疤,如果需要的话,我有证据的。那些肮脏、可恶、垃圾的人和我无法忘记的糟糕记忆。最痛苦的是看到我的移民父亲总是怒气冲冲地从工作岗位回家,因为工人们受到歧视,直到今天我还很痛苦,因为我知道我的父亲为了他的孩子们能有一个更好的未来而忍受着这些。